Shane's Cave Story 0 (novel; comments)

Post your comments about Shane's Cave Story 0 in here!

NOTE: Everything that happens in this story is what happened in dreams I had. In other words, most of this story is based on a dream. Hence, it is NOT my fault for any of the weirdness that is in it, but rather the dream's fault.

Prologue has been posted. However, it contains swearing and is a direct copy from the book in which I written it - remember, everything that happens in this story is based on a dream I had. Except for the "FEST" chapters (Chapter 30, Chapter 31, I guess), because I figured that "screw the dream, I'm just gonna go on with four humans with elemental powers".

Erin: Kanpachi made this character, who appears in Shadow of the Stars and Shane's Cave Story 1.
I figured, Erin should have a chapter all to herself, since how did she reach the floating island on Newerth if she was on Earth?

The other three, well, those are to be made yet, by three other people. They will get PM'd and may or may not be from these forums.

It was interesting. I was impressed

Chapter 1 has been posted. However, it contains (possible) swearing and is a direct copy from the book in which I written it - remember, everything that happens in this story is based on a dream I had. It also contains Draconian, a language that I'm still working on since June 2012.
(Technically, the word "da wohl" existed since 1 June 2008, but I began full work on the language in June 2012)

I'll make a post about the Draconian language in the future.

Mvskoke wrote:

It was interesting. I was impressed

Thanks.
As a result of your post, you reminded me to continue work on Chapter 1 and post it.

PROLOGUE:
I like how the bridesmaids are an evil gang of crooks wearing gas masks.

CHAPTER 1:
Pretty interesting!
I fixed some minor errors for you, by the way - there was a [/i] tag at the end of one of the sentences, and it didn't make any sense so I added a [ i] tag before it.

MADDIE:
I made a thread for her, by the way. Hope that's okay.

Kim wrote:

PROLOGUE:
I like how the bridesmaids are an evil gang of crooks wearing gas masks.

Heh, I wrote it like I dreamt it, although with "maids" it was actually the kind who people hire to perform menial tasks around the household.

Kim wrote:

CHAPTER 1:
Pretty interesting!
I fixed some minor errors for you, by the way - there was a [/i] tag at the end of one of the sentences, and it didn't make any sense so I added a [ i] tag before it.

Thanks!
If anyone finds BBCode parsing errors (like the one Kim fixed), notify me - or fix it yourself, if you can.

Kim wrote:

MADDIE:
I made a thread for her, by the way. Hope that's okay.

Yes, it is. In fact, it's so okay that you did it correctly.

Chapter 2 has been posted!

Shane wrote:

Kim wrote:

PROLOGUE:
I like how the bridesmaids are an evil gang of crooks wearing gas masks.

Heh, I wrote it like I dreamt it, although with "maids" it was actually the kind who people hire to perform menial tasks around the household.

Oh, those maids.

Shane wrote:

Kim wrote:

CHAPTER 1:
Pretty interesting!
I fixed some minor errors for you, by the way - there was a [/i] tag at the end of one of the sentences, and it didn't make any sense so I added a [ i] tag before it.

Thanks!
If anyone finds BBCode parsing errors (like the one Kim fixed), notify me - or fix it yourself, if you can.

That sounds like an awesome idea.

Shane wrote:

Kim wrote:

MADDIE:
I made a thread for her, by the way. Hope that's okay.

Yes, it is. In fact, it's so okay that you did it correctly.

No problem.

Kim wrote:

Chapter 2 has been posted!

Thanks!

Now, KarjamP, you can write Chapter 3.

Preferably not with the Purple Karjam or yourself or Nega-Lime Karjam as characters - they don't appear in Chapter 3, yet, they appear in chapter 28 or 27... if I remember correctly. And the other characters (the Cruz sisters and Shaun and Kimberley and their relatives) don't appear either, although they are allowed to be mentioned.

The dwarves and the staff of Frogwings are allowed to appear, however.
How else would a school for Magery that is located between Struisbaai and Gansbaai function?

If you must include the Cruz sisters, you'll have to ask Kim for their dialogue, although you can set the topic.
At the end of the post is an example.*

So basically, mostly new characters for Chapter 3, with this format:

Code:

[font=Times New Roman][center][size=24][b][i]CHAPTER 3[/i][/b][/size]
[size=18][b][i]  *title*  [/i][/b][/size][/center]

* chapter 3 goes here *

[/font]

Obviously, * title * has to have a title (like how Chapter 1 has "Secret of the Blacks" or Chapter 2 has "Deadlier Than Poison Gas" - why, Kim, why? ).

At the * chapter 3 goes here * part, the story goes.

In the chapter, you can just make a new character or several new ones (no matter what ) who were born in sometime 1996, then add how they went to Frogwings (the magical school). However, on the day that term starts, is also the day that Shaun and Kimberley is taken there by the headmistress, so the last day of the chapter should be 31 August 2004.

In 2004, the first term would begin on 1 September - the first term always starts on the first Wednesday of September, so in 2005, it'd start on 7 September. This year, it would begin on the 4^th of September - which would be Emily Black's birthday.

And please don't break the fourth wall. Otherwise my anger will flow free~
That, and the fourth wall is supposed to be unknown to all who appear.

As for future chapters, don't worry! I'll work all the new characters into the main story somehow. That's a challenge I actually need, to be honest.

The minimum length is the same length as the Prologue, and the maximum length? What maximum length?


* Example:

Code:

"So, are you really from Phoenix, in Arizona?" Jared asked the Cruz sisters.
"<yes>," Siobhan answered. "<where are you from>?"
"I'm from Durban, on this very country," he answered. "What's the weather like there?"
"<it's becoming colder there>," Dixie answered. "<I hate coldness>."
"Don't worry, I hate it too!" Jared replied, laughing.
"<who told you about this school>?" Erika asked rudely.
"<Erika, don't be rude>!" Marcel exclaimed.
"It's okay," Jared said, smiling. "My parents were both magicians who graduated from here."

"text" (surrounded by a > and < ) is to be replaced with what Kim wishes them to say, with how she wants her characters to say.
For example, Kim could decide that the full dialogue could be:

Code:

"So, are you really from Phoenix, in Arizona?" Jared asked the Cruz sisters.
"Yeah," Siobhan answered. "So, where are you from?"
"I'm from Durban, on this very country," he answered. "What's the weather like there?"
"It's starting to get colder there," Dixie answered. "I don't like the cold."
"Don't worry, I hate it too!" Jared replied, laughing.
"Who told you about Frogwings?" Erika asked rudely.
"Erika!" Marcel exclaimed.
"It's okay," Jared said, smiling. "My parents were both magicians who graduated from here."

Alternatively, she could decide that it could be:

Code:

"So, are you really from Phoenix, in Arizona?" Jared asked the Cruz sisters.
"Yep," Siobhan answered. "Are you from around here?"
"No, I'm from Durban, on this very country," he answered. "What's the weather like there?"
"It used to be warm, but it's becoming the opposite these days," Dixie answered. "I really hate cold weather."
"Don't worry, I hate it too!" Jared replied, laughing.
"And who in blazes told you about this school, huh?" Erika asked rudely.
"Erika! It's impolite to be rude!" Marcel exclaimed.
"It's okay," Jared said, smiling. "My parents were both magicians who graduated from here."

You can just adapt your text to what Kim's text is, if need be.

Any questions?

Code:

EDIT: <code> will result in the text being invisible, unless it's inside [code][/code] tags. :/

Hence, why I said this:

"text" (surrounded by a > and < )

I have two questions.
One: can I do the timeline?
Two: are you putting the characters from Chapter 2 (like the dwarves) as canon? I remember you mentioning someplace that you didn't plan on allowing others to make chapters (like KarjamP and I do).

Taylor wrote:

I have two questions.

Shoot any questions you wish to.

Taylor wrote:

One: can I do the timeline?

Yeah, you can.

Taylor wrote:

Two: are you putting the characters from Chapter 2 (like the dwarves) as canon? I remember you mentioning someplace that you didn't plan on allowing others to make chapters (like KarjamP and I do).

All characters in this fanfic are canon. So, your characters are canon. KarjamP's characters are canon. Even Captain Jack Sparrow's characters are canon!

Also, I used Quotev to get a (rough) page and word list thing.

FOREWORD: 2 pages, 388 words
PROLOGUE: 8 pages, 1940 words
CHAPTER 1: 11 pages, 2868 words
CHAPTER 2: 27 pages, 7293 words

TOTAL: 48 pages, 12 489 words

By the shipwrecked X.R. Diandrixia sinking faster than the Titanic after getting struck by lightning before eaten by a Kyogre of icy doom and gloom and broom, Taylor, you almost pushed the word count up to eleven!

Which would mean each chapter would have had about 663 words in order to literally have the word count kicked up to eleven in your chapter.

I can push that up to eleven - literally

And thanks! I didn't see the canon thing coming, though.

Just to let you guys know about chapter progress, I added a new seccion where the kids overheard their foster father about going to Frogwings, the school so obscure that searching for it online brings up no results. Might need some more fine tuning.

Now stuck on trying to figure out how to make the drow assasions attacking and Joe and Jane using their new found powers to work (perhaps discovering it before the drows appeared).

You know what, thinking about it (like typing it out) actually gave me some ideas.

Either way, I won't type it out today.

If I am to type it tomorrow, it would be in the morning or the afternoon (going to my grandparent's place in the evening).

KarjamP wrote:

Just to let you guys know about chapter progress, I added a new seccion where the kids overheard their foster father about going to Frogwings, the school so obscure that searching for it online brings up no results. Might need some more fine tuning.

Sounds interesting ^_^

My curiosity flows free~

KarjamP wrote:

Now stuck on trying to figure out how to make the drow assasions attacking and Joe and Jane using their new found powers to work (perhaps discovering it before the drows appeared).

You know what, thinking about it (like typing it out) actually gave me some ideas.

Why not let the droven assassins try to literally backstab them and it backfiring because Joe and Jane noticing the shadows of the assassins and thus dodge the backstab attempt?

KarjamP wrote:

Either way, I won't type it out today.

If I am to type it tomorrow, it would be in the morning or the afternoon (going to my grandparent's place in the evening).

... What about the beforenoon or the lessning?

Spoiler:

Shane wrote:

Why not let the droven assassins try to literally backstab them and it backfiring because Joe and Jane noticing the shadows of the assassins and thus dodge the backstab attempt?

I'll consider it.

And what do you mean by "literally backstab"?

KarjamP wrote:

And what do you mean by "literally backstab"?

As in, stabbed in the back with a knife or something.

Kinda figured out what you meant.

Afterall I never knew "backstab" was a synonym to "betrayal".

Anyway, I can think of how that would work: killed father, kids came looking at father, looking at shadow, dodged shadow, realized that the attackers are drows, thus getting very surprised.

KarjamP wrote:

Kinda figured out what you meant.

Afterall I never knew "backstab" was a synonym to "betrayal".

Well, one learns something new everyday, right?

KarjamP wrote:

Anyway, I can think of how that would work: killed father, kids came looking at father, looking at shadow, dodged shadow, realized that the attackers are drows, thus getting very surprised.

Yeah, that'll work great!

Besides schoolwork and the fact that I'm trying to curve my bad habit of procrastination, the only thing that's hindering me from continuing writing chapter three is fear.

Fear of what?

I don't know. DOING it, perhaps?

Be brave, KarjamP! Please? Pretty please?

The progress is quite slow, isn't it? Perhaps I can write a couple of chapters, now that I am very free.


It's ok if you want to carry on with the specified people on the writing list.

I am just here to help. So is my cousin.

Well, I'll try to ask Shane, but his wireless keyboard is USELESS at the moment, so...

Of course, you can just write a chapter with 5th elemental characters who arrive at Frogwings, and we'll increase the chapter count

Perhaps tomorrow.

I just came home from a Mothers Day meal at a restaurant, and before then, we went for a drive. While at home, my mom wanted me to at least do a bit of my Computer Hardware and Software assignment, and now I want to rest for a bit.

It's Mothers Day?! Oh shell, I clean forgot!

[offtopic]
It was mother's day yesterday, and my father's birthday. That leaves me as the only NVIP in the house. (Not very important person)
[/offtopic]


Anyways you shouldn't call Shane poor. More like unfortunate. Anyways, I guess I can write a chapter on that. Although I will PM it to you, Taylor. Because I am not good at copying personalities of characters that are not mine.

So you can do the 4 sisters' speech the way they should say it. Makes them sound natural. I'll handle the rest. I am pretty fast at typing also.

To tell the truth, I have less chance of working on this today due to homework and a doctor's appointment about my throat (honestly, my throat seems to get the most infections out of all my body parts).

Well, I'm setting a deadline: end of the year. (jk)

Hope you get well soon, KP!

Thanks.

Good think you didn't call me PK.

I had decided not to work on it today.

I'm not trying to be lazy, but since the illness made me tired and miserable when I'm up and about...

Taylor wrote:

Of course, you can just write a chapter with 5th elemental characters who arrive at Frogwings, and we'll increase the chapter count

Kushagra wrote:

So you can do the 4 sisters' speech the way they should say it. Makes them sound natural. I'll handle the rest. I am pretty fast at typing also.

Dragon Riders episode 1 can have 65 chapters, y'know.

Go right ahead, Kushagra. Although Shaun and Kimberley will appear in the chapter after KarjamP's.

Taylor wrote:

Well, I'm setting a deadline: end of the year. (jk)

Don't even think about it. Set a deadline for Dragon Riders and I'll unleash my free-flowing fury faster than a Rasengan from Naruto or a Chidori from Sasuke.

What about a Rasenshuriken or a Raikiri?

Wouldn't know about that, since South Africa hasn't had those episodes aired yet - and I only know of the Rasengan due to TV Tropes.

South Africa's behind when it comes to TV Shows.

I think it's only a few years back that they decided to air the first season of CSI Miami on SABC3 (one of SA's four free TV stations {if you consider having to pay a TV license free}, the others SABC1, SABC2 and ETV).

Ontopic, I would've continued yesterday if it wasn't for writer's block kicking in after adding Shane's suggestion for a "literal backstab attempt".

IE, I don't know what to write after that.

KarjamP wrote:

South Africa's behind when it comes to TV Shows.

I think it's only a few years back that they decided to air the first season of CSI Miami on SABC3 (one of SA's four free TV stations {if you consider having to pay a TV license free}, the others SABC1, SABC2 and ETV).

Ontopic, I would've continued yesterday if it wasn't for writer's block kicking in after adding Shane's suggestion for a "literal backstab attempt".

IE, I don't know what to write after that.

Have the characters found out about Frogwings yet?
If so, why not let them head off there?

Well, I still need to figure out how to get them to use their newfound powers to defend themselves (they discovered it moments ago), kill the drows, and then the Karjamian would come to give them the full story of their background and why they must go to Frogwings.

They DID hear about it from their foster father beforehand (or rather, overheard him talking to himself). Joe even Googled it, but there wasn't any search results for that school, much to his confusion.

I killed off the father, of course.

KarjamP wrote:

Well, I still need to figure out how to get them to use their newfound powers to defend themselves (they discovered it moments ago), kill the drows, and then the Karjamian would come to give them the full story of their background and why they must go to Frogwings.

They DID hear about it from their foster father beforehand (or rather, overheard him talking to himself). Joe even Googled it, but there wasn't any search results for that school, much to his confusion.

I killed off the father, of course.

Hmm... They could try to combine their powers and attack the drows in self-defence while a Karjamian approaches the scene with the intent of stopping the assassins.

And thanks, you just gave me an idea regarding Shaun and Kimberley (pre-Frogwings)

Well, I did figure they should use their powers to soak the drows and then fry them to death with electricity, and have the Karjamian come to save them.

It's in between the "literal backstab" part and that, that is, how the drows chase them, and how the chapter's protagonists figure out they must try to use their powers to defend themselves..

KarjamP wrote:

Well, I did figure they should use their powers to soak the drows and then fry them to death with electricity, and have the Karjamian come to save them.

It's in between the "literal backstab" part and that, that is, how the drows chase them, and how the chapter's protagonists figure out they must try to use their powers to defend themselves..

Here's what I, Taylor the Forum Princess, think.

• KarjamP wrote:

  how the drows chase them

  By running in stealth, cloaked with invisibility only to become visible to tell their victims their end?
  Anyway, how about you let the drows chase the chapter protags at a public school?
  

• KarjamP wrote:

  how the chapter's protagonists figure out they must try to use their powers to defend themselves

  Do they know about their powers already? If not, one of them should accidentally fire off a blast of electricity, which will lead to the other trying to fire off a blast of water (which is successful) and then to a combined attack of a fusion of electrical beams and water lasers.
  If they do know about their powers already, they could communicate via a special telepathy that only they can use. If I remember correctly, those two are siblings, right?

Never thought about the telepathy thing.

I guess that if they were going to have telepathy, they didn't know about it until they've been chased.

They had accidently used their powers before, Jane accidently causing a puddle after she trips, and Joe accidently shocking Jane while they were cleaning up the mess with towels (water's conductive, yes?).

Also, how could they be chased at public school if the drows attacked in the middle of the night?

Also, thanks for reminding me of their stealth. They could stalk Joe and Jane until they've trapped them, but I currently can't think of how to pull it off.

BTW, them being siblings doesn't necessarily mean they have a psychic link with each other.

Only considering it since you've suggested it.

KarjamP wrote:

Never thought about the telepathy thing.

I guess that if they were going to have telepathy, they didn't know about it until they've been chased.

Or something like that.

KarjamP wrote:

They had accidently used their powers before, Jane accidently causing a puddle after she trips, and Joe accidently shocking Jane while they were cleaning up the mess with towels (water's conductive, yes?).

Depends on which planet the water is. I dunno about Draconia and other worlds made up by Shane, but Elvanian water's not conductive. Surfacian water is (Surfacia is Earth, although what Shane was thinking, I dunno).
...
Now I wonder how Water/Electric Pokémon can live underwater without shocking everything in it, though.

KarjamP wrote:

Also, how could they be chased at public school if the drows attacked in the middle of the night?

They could be chased there during the night, who knows?

KarjamP wrote:

Also, thanks for reminding me of their stealth. They could stalk Joe and Jane until they've trapped them, but I currently can't think of how to pull it off.

Assassins are often stealthy, but clumsy assassins are horrible at stealth and best at hilarity~
... Couldn't stop myself. Shane's randomness has corrupted me

KarjamP wrote:

BTW, them being siblings doesn't necessarily mean they have a psychic link with each other.

Only considering it since you've suggested it.

Telepathy is awesome indeed, yet why the royal Dragon Riders only have telepathy with each other and no other, and why they have to be very close, is unknown~
...
Maybe TV Tropes ruined my life?

They were living on Earth.

Then it's conductive. (Unless I fail on my sciences, but I doubt it.)

Elvanian water is non-conductive to electricity.

They're Draconian inhumans put under safe keeping by their adoptive father who's killed in my chapter.

Draconian Inhumans.
Didn't see that coming.
Ah well, the more, the better, right?
There's already about 90+ students in Frogwings (I have yet to post the list somewhere) and Frobiss has less than 50 known students (but Frobiss isn't very important to the plot so it matters not).

Draconian Inhumans are, while on Draconia, taught that eating humans grants immortality, even if it's not true - at the moment, Jrailran (Kim's father and the King of Draconia Kingdom) wants humanity to stop existing, but I plan for future chapters and such to change it ever since Shane encounters him. (In other words, Jrailran will eventually cease his plans to end humanity because of an Inhuman whose biological parents are humans. Something like that.)

Also, Draconian water is similar to Earth's, Taylor.

Going to continue on the story as soon as I think I have free time.

Not today, as I want to rest before I have Japanese lessons.

Still have two assignments to do.

I think I've figured out how to do it.

(have them run outside the house, trying to get away from them, but the drow's stalking skills make it difficult for them to escape, so they keep on running till they reach a dead end of some sort).

Sorry it's taking so long to write. A combination of school work, writer's block, having to deal with my bad habit of procrastination (trying to curve it, of course), fear of doing it and some other stuff had being hindering my progress.

Not that I don't want to do this, of course, but when you task me something potentially long like this, then I may struggle to complete it quickly (or, if it's not important, struggle to even do it).

I guess if I were to become a Computer Scientist/Game Designer like what I want to do in the future, I need to find a way around these stuff.

For the other chapters I've been assigned to do, also don't expect me to do it in a timely matter too.

KarjamP wrote:

Going to continue on the story as soon as I think I have free time.

Not today, as I want to rest before I have Japanese lessons.

Still have two assignments to do.

I think I've figured out how to do it.

(have them run outside the house, trying to get away from them, but the drow's stalking skills make it difficult for them to escape, so they keep on running till they reach a dead end of some sort).

Sorry it's taking so long to write. A combination of school work, writer's block, having to deal with my bad habit of procrastination (trying to curve it, of course), fear of doing it and some other stuff had being hindering my progress.

Not that I don't want to do this, of course, but when you task me something potentially long like this, then I may struggle to complete it quickly (or, if it's not important, struggle to even do it).

I guess if I were to become a Computer Scientist/Game Designer like what I want to do in the future, I need to find a way around these stuff.

For the other chapters I've been assigned to do, also don't expect me to do it in a timely matter too.

Don't worry. Sometimes, I also procrastinate most of the time and most other things that are bad also hindering any progress I would have (like financial problems and such).

I guess writing chapters will help with getting over the fear of doing it? I myself was scared when I first started, but now I'm not anymore (although I am scared of my progress suddenly disappearing like the morning fog).

About the the fear part, I was talking about what happened in the past there.

I'm no longer afraid to write it (or so I think. ).

And thanks for the encouragement.

KarjamP wrote:

About the the fear part, I was talking about what happened in the past there.

I'm no longer afraid to write it (or so I think. ).

Ah.

KarjamP wrote:

And thanks for the encouragement.

No problem.

I have exams coming by, so I need to set my priorities.

Besides, when I wanted to continue writing the chapter a couple of days back, I discovered I still have that writers block on what to do after the "literal backstab". :-\